I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
