we made out on top of his cat.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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