I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Blood and glitter go together right?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
