My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
