They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
