Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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