what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
This is classic penis vs brain.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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