I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Randomize
