I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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