how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize