we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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