think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
