I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
time to smoke my breakfast
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
