I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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