With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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