I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
