M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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