My boss' voice literally gives me gas
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Randomize
