What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
