so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We talked him into tasing himself.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize