Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
