His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
