I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
