I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
