I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
