They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
