hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
