I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
