her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
