The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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