I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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