i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
