We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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