I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
