my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
