Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
