I seem to have left my pride at pride
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
