dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
