so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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