I cannot find my penis.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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