Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
