Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
