apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
