At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Sorry about my life...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize