Nicole vs. Life
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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