What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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