Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
