bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
