I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
