Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
