i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
