i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
