So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
