haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
