I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
