new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Farmville is her only friend.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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