I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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