he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
