woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
