Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
