i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize