Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
