Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
