dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
