I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
