My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
