They should really pass out barf bags in church
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
