my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
