The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
