The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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