I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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