If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
