remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
