They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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