I heard we made out
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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