please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I came so hard my ears popped.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
