Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
This is my gift to your gina
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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