Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
