i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
