Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
