direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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