You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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