yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
