She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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