so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
