cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
i believe in u and ur pee
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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