so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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