definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
