Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
