Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
17 year olds will be the death of me.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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