i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
