i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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