Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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