Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
