He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
