Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
