I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
