he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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