My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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