I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
