Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
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