i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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