you turned your livingroom into a bong?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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