If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Randomize
