That's intense
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
