Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
