Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
