I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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