If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
