an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
