Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
