I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Your cock deserves a montage
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
