let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
